“Half of your being consists of your mother and half of your being consists of your father. You are here because of them: If they were not here, you would not be here. All that is happening to you, is in a way because of them……One has to become aware of this. So just see the point: they are the kind of people they are. Whatsoever they could do, they did- to ask for more is meaningless. So whatsoever they have done you have to feel grateful for. And whatsoever is happening to you and will happen to you, they remain the cause. If some day you become enlightened, then you will have to feel grateful towards them. If you are breathing it is because of them, because they loved each other. If you are here listening to me it is because of them. So, don’t forget the foundation, that’s all.” Osho
Looking at the quote, it is so simple and at the same time profound.
So why is this so difficult for many of us to do?
We may have a series of inner ‘shoulds,’ coulds or ‘wouldve’s.
Or stories of being poorly treated and deserving more.
Some may feel parents were not good enough in not giving us what we most needed. Leaving us feeling ill equipped to cope with the struggles of life.
This may be felt as anger, sadness, resentfulness, holding a grudge and replaying versions of what happened in our minds.
Some of us instead of accepting our entry into life through them ‘as it is’, a gift, compound this by judging them and cutting them off, or close our hearts to them.
From this inner version of our inner selves, we seek partners to fill our inner needs and inadvertently, frequently fall into patterns of choosing inappropriately or sabotaging our successes.
This complex phenomenon was named Blind Love by Bert Hellinger, the founder of Family Constellations. While this may sound depressing, most of us start like this. Fortunately we don’t all stay in this state, but many get stuck here.
This is a child’s wounded love. Blind Love that requires transformation to a more mature, compassionate and open love.
The truth is that staying stuck in Blind Love damages you, and dominates and ruins your life. Relationships, health (physical and mental) and limits your potential for growth.
All this from, not acknowledging the profound truth of the miracle of our existence through often very ordinary, struggling people, who are also caught in the similar traps that we find ourselves in.
In my work I am constantly amazed by how once a person acknowledges and most of all accepts their parents as they are, how their inner-self comes together in profound ways.
No need for complex theories of how to label or work with the symptoms of dysfunction, communication, behaviour and emotions, mental health and relationship, co-dependency or boundaries.
Once systemic order is restored, love flows in the family system in a way they can receive it. They are more at peace. This leads to being able to begin the process of accepting themselves as ordinary human beings too. Developing a compassionate self-love that results in an ability to love others in a healthier and nurturing way.
Many things shift from this inner change of reality.
The process of Family Constellations is a brief, solution-focused, experiential process involving all senses and the mind and body. Designed for a speedy release and expression of emotions and resolutions. This results in inner movements and a space for new perspectives to arise, for those who are ready for change.
This is a way of transforming Blind love to mature health love, as a vital first step in growth and unlocking creativity.
If you are curious about how it works, how it feels to be in the Knowing field and how such deep seated feelings, beliefs and connections can change, join me in the Family Constellations online workshop with me on 19 November 12-4 pm as a representative or observer.