Four generations ago, in your family, something very big, shocking and tragic took place. This could have been a war, mass-starvation, disease or death, resulting in those who survived doing so under extreme conditions of stress, sadness or fear. They did the best they could with what they had and some of their children survived.
However, due to the shock of that time, they carried a great deal of unresolved trauma. In a sense, they remained emotionally linked to the trauma of the event and you may have an inner image of them looking back.
The children of the traumatised generation are likely to have sensed the trauma of their parents. From a FC perspective, out of love and loyalty to their parents, they would have said unconsciously to them, “Out of love for you, I carry it for you”.
In due time, the third generation of people also had children and their children also shared the burden that their parents carried out of love, in an unconscious wish to help their parents.
And so it continued through the generations to the present. This is how a person in the present may be born into a sense of fear or anxiety, or something else.
Ursula Frank, in the training she offered in Sydney in 2009, made the point that we are each the sum total of everything and everyone that has gone before us, in terms of our ancestral and genetic lines.
This explains how many people report always having had a sense of fear, dread, guilt, shame or sadness from their earliest memories. Many of us are born into a sense of something that makes no sense in our own biography or lived experience, as it has its source in past generations. Such people in the present may continue to carry these feelings unconsciously. This forms entanglements for people in the present within their own family system. Entanglements are invisible bonds that tie and restrict people and play out in invisible patterns or compulsions in their lives.
Upon realising their ties and restrictions, those involved in entanglements may feel helpless or resentful or angry about their situation.
This may be felt as anger towards themselves or others and they may have a wish to distance themselves from the system.
For this reason, many attempt to make a new start and forget the past. This may be fine for a while, until they notice familiar family patterns forming again in their own or the lives of their children. For example, very often people are unconsciously attracted to those who have similar or complimentary energies or entanglements. It seems that we recognise or sense the familiarity of a pattern and find it attractive in some way. This is often seen in the attraction to a partner. Alternatively, we may notice that our children appear to be living out old generational patterns in their lives and choices. And so it goes on.
There appears to be a mass consciousness that Jung noticed, of the archetype of mother and father, an idealised image of how a parent should be. In reality, this image is impossible to live up to. On one level, we may find that a parent did not give us what we wanted or needed, or was distant/aloof, negligent, or even abusive. In reality, we may eventually give up on our wish and close ourselves up to that parent due to the hurt or anger we feel towards such a disappointment.
However, according to Hellinger, at a core level, we also have a deep loyalty to that parent that comes from being an innate part of the family system.
At a core level, we love our parents and our family and seek to maintain a connection with them and receive the love that is our right from within that system, even though we may disapprove of their behaviour or choices. In attempting to work out or complete those child-parent relationships, primarily, we often seek partners where such ‘unfinished business’ can take place. Hence, we often marry our father or mother, figuratively speaking, and the cycle continues until it is addressed effectively.
The process of family constellations quickly allows hidden systemic dynamics, loyalties and themes to be revealed. As this process is also solution-focussed, it provides a forum whereby people may make peace with the system and stop carrying the burdens within it. If a resolution of the system can be found, and balance is restored, entanglements may be resolved so that the individuals concerned can get on with their lives with more freedom.”
Quote from Rapid Core Healing