Simon (identity changed for confidentiality)came for a private Family Constellations session about his relationship with his wife.
He was finding it hard to express his love to her, even though he loved her dearly. She was feeling neglected and lost.
His constellation showed a difficult entanglement with his parents.
His mother looking away and his father very distant, looking in the opposite direction.
Simon was looking longingly at his mother as she looked away.
He told me his mother had lost her own mother as a child and was fostered out to several families prior to meeting his father.
His father had a difficult relationship with both of his parents and life had been a great financial struggle.
In looking first at his mother, Simon expressed that he felt numb, In offering a few healing sentences, this changed to anger and then deep sadness and longing and he was able to feel the trauma of his mother and acknowledge her struggle, while also thanking her for doing the best she could. There was a melting of barriers between them and a recognition of their love. With his mother behind him he was then able to look at his father and paternal grandparents and express how much he had missed his father.
While his father had been physically present and highly practical and responsible, he was closed down emotionally. Simon was able to see his father’s emotional struggle and how this had been the pattern for several generations where survival was the main theme.
He was able to look at both parents and give back the burdens of numbness, disconnection and lack of communication, so that it could be passed to the source in each case and was able to feel the deep love of his parents towards him.
In turning his attention to his wife, he felt a softness that was new to him and an impulse to let her know how much he loved her with a request to give him time to learn how to work with his feelings.
This was enough for Simon and his wife to open up a new chapter of their relationship and go to a deeper level of intimacy.
Family Constellations training HERE