Family Constellations is a powerful, experiential and energetic process that is solution-focused and brief. It is deeply psychotherapeutic in highlighting the underlying dynamics of hidden family loyalties, systemic trauma and embedded patterns that allow perspectives and solutions to emerge.
The problem is a constellation works at the interface of merging realities and possibilities between realms. While these are being explored by field theory and physics, there remains a lot we don’t know about the process.. What I’ve found as a practitioner for the last eighteen years, is that many people experience profound healing and change in a fast and experiential way in constellation work that doesn’t take place in traditional counselling and psychotherapy.
The Constellation process remains a mystery. The reality is that we probably don’t yet have the knowledge to explain the process, but the results speak for themselves in enabling change and growth.
The process allows you to come to your own perspectives. However, it requires a level of maturity and personal development to be able to accept what emerges, or not. You always have a choice. You are free to choose one possible solution over another.
Herein lies the problem. I have found that some people expect a constellation to be like magic: To dissolve the discomfort, dilemmas or painful consequences of their actions or situations simply by taking part in the process. This is an over-simplistic and faulty expectation of somehow being able to wave a magic wand at bad fortune. I have found some have a similar expectation of the Family Constellation process in looking for simple solutions to complex physical, psychological ,physical and spiritual issues that are deeply convoluted. A constellation may indeed unravel the underlying dynamic that holds an issue and that may be enough, but it may also be the first sep of several that may need to take place. Each person is unique.
Many people come to a constellation workshop or private session to resolve a dispute or estrangement. The work is primarily about freeing people so that they can come to a new place of order perspective, connection, self-love and acceptance primarily. If that results in a bigger systemic or relational change then that is wonderful indeed.
We need to be aware that even though a Family Constellation may seem other-worldly and seemingly miraculous, that it can’t change everything.
This is because human beings are composed of many layers. Their individuality, family system, genetic and epigenetic patterning and their soul journey are woven into a complex web, with destiny and free will thrown into the mix..
Situations and relationships occur in the context of history, intention and action. This involves ours and other people perspectives, motivations, actions and will. Its not just about you or me.
A long time ago my husband and I came to the understanding that Family Constellations is for ‘mature souls.’ Those who have wisdom.
Wise people know that life is complex and that change largely comes from the inside, in changing beliefs, emotional state and perceptions. They know that coming to a place of acceptance and peace of their inner world will be transferred to intentions, actions and energy in their external world. That with more inner freedom this may indeed be enough to encourage better relationships with those connected with them. It may resolve an energetic block or systemic pattern. However they also have the wisdom to know that they are not in control of other peoples’ reality and will.
They know that others may be intent on holding onto their grudges or views of the world and may not be in the same place at all. Wise people know their task is to come to a place of accepting that they may have resolved their side of the issue only while leaving what belongs to others with them. If this may or may not always results in a shift in relationship or situation.
This is because we are working with the complexity of the human psyche and the forces that flow within us and motivate us. In reality we are all part of much bigger forces than our own will or view of the world.
It would be egotistical of me or others to expect to understand everything, as there is so much we don’t and cant know. I believe I am in a cycle of life and am deeply aware that I can’t know the bigger picture of my spiritual journey. The challenge is to allow my ego to accept my smallness in terms of All That Is.
It is in pondering these deeper philosophical and existential questions that caused me to go from physics and chemistry teaching of many years to Vedic astrology in studying karmic cycles. These are cycles of ‘cause and effect’ that span eons of time that we are all caught up in.
In this I learned that there are at least three kinds of karma. Karma is action. Light, Mixed and Fixed karma. Light karma is free will and the ability to make choices and direct our lives. Mixed karma is harder but not impossible to change with deep resolve and appropriate knowledge and skills, whereas fixed karma is what I call destiny. These are the areas of life that we don’t have control over. I have come to realize that within light karma (free will) and mixed karma (psychological blocks) and fixed karma (destiny) that we still have big areas of our life to grow and develop as we want. We can always sow new seeds, and till and sift out weeds to cultivate healthier growth within the presence of our destiny .
This got me thinking what could be done about freeing myself and others up, that set me on a quest to find effective ways of making deep psychological and energetic changes to make a difference. Hence my choice of psychotherapy and Family Constellations.
I have found that we have at least three forces in how we direct our lives.
Free will, psychological blocks and destiny.
Free will is what we all have and can enjoy in varying proportions. While the area of psychological or energetic blocks is what we may focus on in personal development, growth and healing. This is where we can make major shifts in our relationships, inner experiences and creativity and is my area of specialty. These blocks are not fixed and can be released by effective processes that release trauma, unhealthy beliefs, disturbed emotion and entanglements. So a process like Family Constellations and other effective methodologies have a place here.
What we can’t control is destiny. There are some things in our life that we have no control of and cant change. All we can do with these is to reach a level of wisdom where we can recognise and accept them and turn our focus to where we can make a difference.
I envisage a time when we know that we have free will, work to do in freeing ourselves up and destiny in creating who we are and how we want to live. A place where the use of such modalities as Family Constellations for systemic issues is commonplace for large proportions of the population so that more of us can live more fulfilled and free-er lives.
Free will, destiny, karma and constellations are explored in my books
Stardust on the Spiritual Path
Be Rich AND Spiritual available on