Family Constellations

Healing From the Roots

Family Constellations free meditation

We thought we would like to give something to everyone and so we are giving this Family Constellations meditation. The meditation goes for about 18 minutes. It is on trans-generational and personal healing.


We are holding a Family Constellations training starting 10th January 2022. Find details on 

A Family Constellations Example

An example of forbidden love between relatives being played out in their children.

Kate a forty year old mother and wife came to a workshop saying that she wanted to feel better about the sexual abuse she had received from her cousin who was six years older than her.  It had occurred from when she was ten years old over a couple of years. The cousin was the son of her father’s older brother.

The Family Constellation

Kate picked and placed representatives for herself and her cousin Jed and placed them facing each other. Rep-Jed was looking at her calmly and Rep-Kate was looking away and finding it hard to look at him. As the minutes passed, Rep-Kate became both angry and tearful. I gave her some sentences to say to express her anger and sadness to Rep-Jed. However, he was finding it hard to accept or even to hear what was being said.


Rep- Jed             Rep- Kate

→                    ←


Eventually after some time, when Rep-Kate attempted to hand back the responsibility, shame and guilt she was feeling to him, R-Jed said that he couldn’t accept it and didn’t feel he had done anything wrong. R-Kate was becoming more distressed.

I stood away from the constellation observing and wandered if there was something else that had not yet come to light about the situation.

Constellation seemed stuck.

After a while it seemed that something else needed to be introduced, as Jed was finding it hard to take responsibility for his actions, if in fact they were his actions.

I asked Kate to set up their parents behind each of them, Rep-Kate and Rep-Jed.


Rep- Mother                                                       Rep- Father

→                                                                           ←

Rep- Father        Rep-Jed             Rep- Kate            Rep- Mother

→                    ←

It appeared that nothing much was changing over the next few minutes until I noticed that R-Jed’s father and R-Kate’s mother were looking at each other with apparent adoration and love.

The representatives of Jed’s father and Kate’s mother confirmed how they were feeling and that they were aware of no one else in the room other than the two of them.

I asked Rep-Jed to look at his Rep-father and say as he motioned to Rep-Kate and her Reprentative-mother,

“I did it for you.”

Immediately he looked down and went red with what appeared to be embarrassment and then very easily expressed his shame and sadness at what he had done to Kate.


Kate had been deeply moved as she watched the constellation and said it made sense to her and didn’t need to know any more.

She told me several months later that she now felt fine with her cousin and had recently had him in her kitchen for tea, alone with him for the first time since her childhood and felt safe and friendly towards him and no longer dreaded family gatherings.

Rep-Jed appeared to be fulfilling unconsciously, even innocently, to some extent his father’s desire towards his father’s brother’s wife. This appeared to be playing out through Jed and Kate, their children, out of a hidden loyalty towards their parents’ forbidden attraction. Of course, on one level, the responsibility of what the son did to his cousin was still very much his, in that he was older and his cousin was a child.

There is no doubt that it was highly inappropriate and had deeply hurt his cousin. However, on another level, it interesting to note that this was happening in a field set up by their parents and that the cousins and particularly Jed felt innocent in the larger scheme of things, while he was entangled. There may be other details of the family history that we don’t know that might help us to understand this more easily. However, this is often the case in Constellation work that we don’t know all of the facts, or very few facts, but something moves for the client emotionally, intellectually and energetically to allow love to flow again, so it is enough.

We hope you enjoy it.

We wish you all a happy New Year