Family Constellations explained Further
Love Relationships and Couples
Is your Marriage or relationship at breaking point?
Or perhaps you keep attracting the wrong type?
We offer Family Constellations to locate the core issues and help you resolve the underlying dynamics involved in your relationships. This is ideal for couples or singles.
Why choose Family Constellations?
If you have already tried counselling, coaching and improving your communication skills, and still find that recurring patterns, then it could be that one, or both of you, are involved in a systemic entanglement in your family of origin that is coming between you as a couple.
Poor relationships often stem from poor connections with one or both parents or ‘unfinished business’ with previous partners. Once this is cleared in a constellation you may be free to make new choices.
Family Constellations is a quick, gentle, effective alternative to marriage or couples therapy or premarital guidance for a greater chance of success.
Divorce and Separation (Spiritual Divorce)
Many relationships break up. How this is done can make a difference on how you are able to move on in your life.
Divorce and separation can be painful, not least because the hopes and dreams of what this relationship represented are not realised.
However, if this separation can be done with respect and gratitude, then it may be possible to grieve, heal and move into new relationships at some time into the future. However, if the separation is messy, destructive and hurtful, you may still be holding anger, guilt or blame over what happened and you may not find it so
easy to move on.
In this case a spiritual divorce may be very helpful in releasing you from these bonds in order to continue your life more fruitfully.
Separation and Children Case Study
Jane and Richard came to Family Constellations when Richard contacted us in frustration at not being able to see his children. They came to a workshop and representatives for them were chosen from the group and placed in a constellation.
The couple had received a court settlement for access and maintenance, but Jane kept refusing to let Richard have the children when it was his turn.
Richard was now in another relationship, but still wanted to maintain his relationship with his children and didn’t want to go back into the court system, as he felt that this did not help to resolve the issues they had between them. Jane reported feeling great anger and resentment towards Richard.
During Jane’s family-of-origin constellation, her representative showed great resentment and anger towards her father. He had left the family in her teens. She expressed feeling unsupported and weak in his presence. She felt great anger, followed by sadness and hurt after some “healing sentences” were said by her representatives. Jane’s father had lost his own father in the Second World War. A representative was put in for Jane’s father’s father into the constellation. Her father reported feeling abandonment and anger towards his father. The representative for Jane’s grandfather reported feeling sick and not able to feel much towards his son.
During the constellation, emotions were expressed and released using healing sentences until the representatives of the father and grandfather released, uncovering the feelings of loss, longing and love between them. Jane was now able to look at her father with compassion and then at her own children with love. She was also able to look at Richard with new eyes, realizing that she had been confused between her husband and her experience of her father. Her experience with her father had left her feeling that men (including her husband) were unreliable and not worthy of respect.
In the final constellation of the couple together, they were able to honor their own parts in what had gone wrong in their relationship. Richard’s family-of origin constellation had also revealed some difficult dynamics that he had also taken into their marriage. This brought them to a point of releasing each other respectfully from their marriage bond, while agreeing to put the welfare of their children first, as they attempt to move on with their separate lives.
Finishing off previous relationships honestly and as respectfully as possible is vital in order to allow each partner to release each other. Otherwise feelings of anger, resentment, sadness, or guilt can go with you into your next relationship or prevent you from allowing new partners in to your life.
Come to Family Constellations for a spiritual divorce or separation to set you free.
How we feel about our parents has an impact on how we do relationships and parenting.
We all have situations in our formative years that we need to digest, make meaning of and move on from. For some this is easier than others. What ever your situation Family Constelaltions is invaluable in allowing an understanding of the dynamics and an acceptance of “what is,” rather than staying in regret, blame and denial or feeling burdened. This can lead to more peace for you and your family.
What goes wrong in families?
Emotional baggage gets in the way.
Disturbances from past generations may still be felt by present family members, without any contact or knowledge of the original trauma, via the family energy system or genetic trail.
Children (you) may carry emotional baggage in their state “blind love” for their parents and an intense need to be loved in return. Of course this is unconscious and often remains with them for the whole of their lives and may in turn be passed on to further generations. This inhibits the “flow of love” in the system and causes suffering, pain and illness.
The purpose of Family Constellations is to ass you in releasing yourself to entanglements and baggage that is not yours so that you can receive the love available in the system.
In addition there are natural laws that need to be acknowledged in all families, in order for everyone in the system to be strong and well. Family Constellation facilitators guide the process to a healthier order towards re-affirming the natural laws of human family life.
Tribal cultures are very well aware of “natural family order and hierarchy” and the importance of rituals and rights of passage at various stages of life. Modern civilizations seems to have forgotten this inner “knowing”. Family Constellations will bring you back into this knowing and bring unconscious dynamics into the light. Once acknowledged they lose their power and freedom returns.
Children of Divorced Parents
While difficult relationships may have an impact on us as children a messy or bitter divorce especially if one parent is not on the scene, can have a deep impact on children.
The children can often feel torn in their unconscious loyalty. This can have an effect on their own relationships and parenting.
Family Constellations can assist you in creating a better relationship or family life than what you came from.
For many of us who grow up in difficult family situations, the first thing we do is to get away as quickly, or as far away from them as possible and then breathe a sigh of relief at having grabbed our independence.
However, down the track we often find to our horror that we become more and more like our parents, or recreate a similar pattern.
We may find our own children run away from us as soon as they can too, or we or our children suffer depression, anxiety, or keep creating difficult situations or events.
In our maturity we may look back and realise that in running away we haven’t solved anything as we took the patterns with us.
Now you can do something about this primarily for yourself knowing that you family and relationships may benefit from you being in a better state.
A constellation will often show your issue in a very different light from the way you see, feel, or experience it.
One Parent Families
Coping as a sole male or female parent, is a huge burden of responsibility. The challenge remains doing it in such a way that you can do it from a sense of empowerment so that your children can develop a healthy sense of self and respect for both sexes.
Constellation work can be of great benefit to both the parents and children of one parent families in helping to provide, help and strength to the parents.
For many, blended families are now a norm. The challenges are many and include being able to balance the needs of each partner with those of their children in a way that ensure health of children as well as the family as a whole. A Family Constellation can show you how to balance the demands of blended families, in order to make the most of these potentially rich relationships for children and the adults involved.
This is a very difficult issue for many adoptees and adoptive parents. It is not widely recognised how difficult it is to accept being given up for adoption by your biological parents. Often these children are fortunate in having good care givers to bring them up, however the link between them and their biological group is often missing, leaving the person always feeling like the odd one out in any personal or work situation. Others are not fortunate in being cared for by good care-givers. Family Constellations can help to heal the wounds of adoption and reconnect you more healthily to the important people in your life.
Adoptive parents can also benefit from looking at their situation through Family Constellations and gain a new understanding of the dynamics of their children or marriage partners. The divorce rate in adoptive parents is relatively high, perhaps due to the stresses and strains of this situation.