Today in the west we have mostly evolved to be fiercely proud and independent, individuals, couples and families.
We want love and connection and many of us want children. To create happy families with well-balanced children.
Couples come together through attraction, fascination and love, often oblivious to the fact that their relationship will change through the stages as life roles out. Their romantic love, evolving through the successes, challenges, stresses and strains or the boredoms of daily life. Each of the couple challenged with having to balance work, social life and children where the personal relationship often takes a back seat.
The rudimentary nature of daily chores, where children add another dimension to a couple’ life, with often very little support from extended family frequently become the norm. Mainly because many of us are not part of extended families any more. In fact most of us believe that we will make better choices and be able to have better relationships than our parents.
Many couples and individuals come to me in crisis saying their relationship has drifted apart, shut down, or their communication has broken down. Often with feelings of anger, resentment or sadness.
I used to use couples counselling in my early days, until I discovered its limitations. So I now use Rapid Core Healing couples packages, mainly because I know relationships are complex and my packages work both personally and systemically with couples issues in a deep and effective way. This is because each of the couple come with their original family dynamics deeply imprinted with unmet needs and impulses very much alive. These are frequently played out in the middle of the couples’ relationship. Even though they may be consciously attempting to be the best person, partner or parent they can be. In fact disliking or being disapproving of our parents often results in a stronger unconscious bonding to those old patterns. So much so that we can often here ourselves say what they did.
Coping with the roles and responsibilities of operating as a couple or family and to maintain a loving relationship is complex.
While I know some relationships cannot last and must come to an end and what is required is the best completion they can find, it is important to do this in the best way possible each of the couple. If children are involved joint parental support for them becomes the highest priority in the separation. The parents may find freedom, but remain parents as well for life, as that is the reality. Children are the result of the couple. Not all couples realise or want this in separation, but this is the best outcome for children, as long as each parent is safe (no DV or sexual abuse).
Alternatively, other couples want to stay together and prefer to work on the relationship and reformat and recommit to their relationship. Knowing that the costs of separation are vast, emotionally, practically and financially with often devastating and long term effects on children, particularly if the separation is acrimonious. There is a lot at stake.
This is central to my work. For couple seeking help I recommend that they come as a couple to a Family Constellations workshop to assist them in sorting out each of their individual family dynamics and also what is happening between them. This may involve looking at the relationship or parenting, children’s behaviour, trust, patterns of affairs and a wide range of other problems.
A workshop is a safe, confidential and highly supportive and compassionate space to unravel the entanglements of a couple. This is a deep, and solution-focused and brief experiential process, where you can look at the relational dynamics through representatives in helping each of the couple in moving forward. This may be followed up by couples sessions with me to support the changes that need to take place in the relationship so they can let go of what no longer serves them in reformatting their connection. Family Constellations workshop Details
The other alternative recommendation I have for couples is a Rapid Core Healing package. Private sessions in person or online. See the video and information here of my Rapid Core Healing package Details. This is both personal growth and development for each of the couple and the relationship as well. Sessions are deep, experiential, solution-focused and brief.
Unfortunately many couples ignore what is happening in their relationship until they are at a point of break-down, rather than sorting it out before shutdown, resentment, anger and sadness has built to painful levels. It doesn’t have to be this way, as you have a choice. Rapid Core Healing packages lead to immense personal growth that will stay with you, whether you stay together or move on.
My next work-shop is on the weekend of 12-13 October Tamborine mountain Gold coast hinterland Qld . Come up into the mountain air for a break.