Improve your Relationships with Family Constellations
Family Constellations for improving couples, marriage & family relationships & helping you find your place in your family system for wellness & relationships
Making peace with yourself and your entry into life is a major step in personal growth.
This starts with looking at yourself as part of your system.
Noticing your loyalties and what you carry and letting them go as you move forward in your own life.
This can have a huge impact on all areas of your life
Relationships and the role of Family Constellations
Relationship with Yourself
Sense of worth and forms your self esteem. This primarily comes from your perception of yourself in your family system. This results in better mental health and personal boundaries and personla growth
Couples help in sorting out relationships. Assisting you in knowing whats yours and what belongs to the other. Each of a couple takes their system into their relationships. Single parenting and blended families may benefit greatly from family Constellations.
Creating clearer boundaries with compassion.
The Partners You Choose
We choose our partners unconsciously to fit with what we know and what we have yet to come to peace with from our family system. So if you repeatedly choose the same kind of inappropriate partner it is worthwhile looking at where you are tied up in your family system, so you can let it go.
Moving on after a Break up
While its usually painful, Family Constellations can be a valuable way of moving through in assisting you to let go of the emotional entanglement, so you can complete your grieving and let it go
We all have the intention of being the best parents we can be. However, it is also true that many of us repeat patterns from our family system inadvertently. In coming to a better place in your own family system and realigning with your partner as parents, this can be changed significantly for the better.
More Benefits on Systemic Family Constellations
Coaching or counselling may be very effective for those issues that come from a person’s life choices and situations, or the development of life skills. Unfortunately, they have little effect on those issues that have their roots in the dynamics of family entanglements that are much deeper. Most of us, at some stages of life, benefit from a coaching or counselling approach to;
- formulate goals
- create structure to achieve goals
- improve communication
- acquire the appropriate knowledge or skills for the task at hand
All of this well intentioned help may be to no avail if we still feel fundamentally unworthy of what we are seeking, at a deeper level.
Our sense of Worthiness influences how we project ourselves into life.
Family Constellations may assist you increasing your sense of worth.
Worthiness is a reliable measure for success as can be seen from my book Be Rich AND Spiritual.
Unworthiness shows itself in sabotage that arises from deep-seated places in the psyche. In my experience as a personal development facilitator, such sabotage patterns are most effectively dealt with at their roots through the personal unconscious mind or the systemic family system. Dealing with conscious thoughts by using reasoning techniques such as CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) as discussed in my book Stardust on the Spiritual Path pg 89 is ineffective for unconscious and emotionally based problems.
A constellation can assist you in finding acceptance
In truth we are all born into family first. The significance of this is felt from the first breath. We have a conscious, unconscious and also a systemic unconscious deeper mind, which may be thought of as a cellular memory and each level of these consciousness’s need to be resolved or integrated in order to find peace and wholeness. There is no doubt that the family that we are born into has an effect on how we are. This can be seen in the emotional state of babies entering into life. If we look at newborn babies, we find that some are born happy, or appear to be angry or anxious, showing that at some level they are coming into life with emotions. How can that be? Some appear to be born content and placid while others show anger or anxiety, even though they are at the beginning of life and haven’t yet had experiences that may create such feelings.
Many People face challenging Family Situations
There are many adults who have been aware of such feelings for as long as they can remember and these feelings make no sense in light of their life situations. Therefore, it makes sense to surmise that they picked up these feelings elsewhere. If we are totally free and autonomous, as many assume, we would each be born as clear open vessels, with no baggage at all, wouldn’t we? It is my experience that many people who come to me for help say they have been aware of an emotion or pattern all of their life and on further questioning often reveal that a similar quality is also present in a parent or grandparent too. In truth the powerful effects that family systems, culture and history, especially trauma have on us, has largely been ignored. However, if what a person is dealing with has its roots in the dynamics of their family system, a different approach may be required. Here I am suggesting that an individual self focused approach is required for those matters coming from personal life choices or experiences and a different approach is required for this matters related to feelings or behaviors that have their roots in family dynamics that may be lost in the mists of time of previous generations.
Accessing the Family energy
Imagine if those with this deeper experience of family dynamics could tap into the sadness, anxiety or guilt that they have always had and go to its source and become free of it, while remaining respectfully connected to their family system? This is the new paradigm of a process called Systemic Family Constellations. This process works with the individual and also the family system in finding release and resolutions in a psycho-spiritual and experiential process.
Know and accept your place in the family system
Sytemic Family Constellations acknowledeges each member of the family in relation to the whole, according to their time of entry (who came first, second…..) and also the nature of the relationships (e.g. father-son or first child, second child, first wife, second wife) and how these factors appeared to create harmony and respect in family groups.
None of the people in your issue needs to be present
A Family Constellations workshop takes place when a group of people come together to form a sacred space. They sit in a circle with a facilitator in order to take turns to look at their issues by using people from the group to represent those people of their situation, including one representative for themselves. The representatives are placed spatially in relation to each other, according to the client’s inner image. Once placed, the constellation commences and the representatives begin to experience sensations in their body, with the facilitator and the representatives guided by the energetic field that develops. The facilitator enables the energy of the field to be expressed and released, or for the representatives to follow an impulse to move, as the energy field unfolds in revealing what it has to show. The client observes the process from the circle. New perspectives arise and emotions are dissipated through the representatives in the field that ripple through the mind, body and soul of the client and also the greater body of the family soul in finding a resolution and a healthier order. The system finds a new equilibrium, by allowing the client to reconnect to the flow of love flowing through the generations. This is a powerful, experiential, psycho-spiritual process that is a brief intervention in allowing the person to find new perspectives on which to move forward. The effects of a constellation are often felt for months or longer after the process, as new perspectives fall into place for the client”.
Pg 119 Yildiz Sethi (2014) Stardust on the Spiritual Path.
You change your perspectives and this allows you to accept the way the people in your issue and how they behave. When you change your behaviour – it may flow to the other members in your issue. You can’t change them or their behaviour but you can now come to terms with it and accept it for what it is. It no longer becomes a trigger point for you.