Human systems are complex. They start with family, extended family, culture and are often infused with religious and societal rules that are enforced by group expectations, law, fear and taboos.

Often with the spoken or unspoken knowing that unless you adhere to the human-made rules (often patriarchal), you may be shamed, labelled, excluded or even stoned to death in some cultures. This can have devastating consequences on your survival and leave a stain on your family too. While it’s true that societal norms, rules or guidelines about what is or not acceptable within our groups, is necessary, for the safety and cohesion of a cultural group, these often go beyond the basics of The Ten Commandments. With the core of these ideas reflected in most of the religions of the world.

Since their inception, these commandments or guidelines have been embellished through interpretations that go way beyond what was stated by the original ideas, that were probably aimed at encouraging safety and cultural cohesion. These have been frequently taken over by those in power and religions as a means of control of the masses. However, how such commandments are interpreted and used are frequently the reasons why many families held, or continue to hold secrets. People are afraid of being judged, labelled, excluded or severely punished.

Family constellations processes show how damaging, holding secrets, can be on those in the present. Within such secrets are those who were or are excluded, due to going outside accepted boundaries or from events outside of their control. Ie Rape. Particularly in the past, such things as, having children outside marriage, abortions, affairs, bankruptcy, prison, mental illness, addictions, suicide, domestic violence and sexual abuse are examples of events that can become secrets in a family. With those affected frequently silenced or excluded and never spoken of again.

There has been a belief that if we hide a problematic behaviour or event and never speak of it again, we can pretend, in essence, it never happened. It will go away.  However, because we are highly relational, connected and energetic beings, the disturbed energy of secrets are passed down the family system through our relational bonds, to those in the present. Where such patterns may continue, until they are exposed. How disturbances may be passed through generations is being shown in epigenetic research Details

Hence we have families where affairs are a pattern through generations via the father or mother line, or both, that are also a present-day pattern and a compulsion in some. Or sexual abuse continues to flourish, in the darkness of secrets, shame and fear. In the constellation process if such patterns are seen and  this is done in a respectful and sensitive way, the system may rebalance in finding more peace. Those involved may take responsibility and others may regain their dignity.

Recently, I was listening to a radio program where someone was talking about a pattern in their family, where there had been a pattern of drowning over several generations and how reluctant the family were to speak of those who drowned and how fearful they were of water. They believed they were cursed. I reflected on how sad this was when in a constellation process, we could simply expose the problem, honour those who had died this way and invite them to bless those in the present, so that learning how to swim could become an accepted and enjoyable priority, so they could live without fear of water. Such secret patterns diminish when exposed and processed appropriately.

Family Constellations are available in private sessions in-person and online and workshops in person and online. I have Family Constellations workshops taking place in Sydney on 14-15 September and in Mount Tamborine, Qld on the 12-13 October and on 16 November online.

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