3 June 2014
Rejecting parents is a poor choice.
“Many of us are born into difficult family situations and personalities and feel hurt, not seen or misunderstood by a parent, but rarely does cutting them out of your life solve the problem from a heart and soul perspective,” said family therapist and author Yildiz Sethi.
“Many therapist according to the program Friday Talk Back radio on 9 May 2014 9.05am When adult children reject their parents are suggesting that it is appropriate to reject parents and I don’t agree” said Yildiz
“Parents remain parents as they are the means of each entering into our life, this reality cannot be changed”. Said Yildiz.
“We are individuals and also intricately connected with our family systems and genetic lines”.
“We share a common ancestral history and so do our children”.
“If we cut off our parents we shouldn’t be too surprised if our children cut us off too” said Bert Hellinger of Family Constellations (systemic family therapy)
“Yildiz strongly disagrees with rejecting parents, as this may have serious consequences on the family system and our personal emotional health and that of our children” said Yildiz
“While cutting off may be appropriate for some people in the short term to allow personal healing and new perspectives to arise, only a few people who have experienced serious abuse may find it impossible to resume some parental connection.”
“Far better is it to heal, grow and find a healthier place for yourself in the family system and this does not have to include telling family members what they did to you.”
“Most families do the best they can with what they have.”
“How parents give and whether children are able to receive love is the crucial question here,” and is discussed at length in Stardust on the Spiritual Path.
“The Family Constellation process has great compassion for the person concerned and also the family system in finding a respectful place for everyone.”
Counselling may have a place to allow offloading and resolve issues but if at the end of that there is still hurt, anger and blame, then looking at the situation from a family systems perspective like Family Constellations can be highly beneficial for all concerned.
For long-term solutions there is a need to,
1 Heal past hurts in a way that the person takes full responsibility for themselves only and leaves others with their own responsibilities.
2 Create good boundaries between yourself and others: Learn to be appropriately assertive and understand your own needs better.
3 Realise that the only person you can change is yourself: It is not possible to change anyone else.
4 Give up the need to be right and to blame others in order to find a higher, compassionate solution: And come to a place of acceptance.
5 Connect to the love at the core of all family systems, because it is always there if we can recognise it.
Yildiz Sethi holds regular workshops and private sessions of Family Constellations in Sydney and Brisbane and has recently released a book, Stardust on the Spiritual Path, which goes into more detail about how to navigate relationships.
About Yildiz Sethi:
Yildiz Sethi is a Counsellor, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Family Constellations facilitator and Vedic astrologer and former physics and chemistry teacher.
Master of Applied Social Science (Counselling) Grad Dip Couns. Dip Clinical Hypnotherapy. Training in Family Constellations with Bert Hellinger.
Author Stardust on the Spiritual Path 2014.
High resolution images and interviews are available on request and on website.
Yildiz Sethi 0412172300