Dysfunctional Families

Often we are hurt by parents not living up to our expectations. We may choose to remain close to them physically, but cannot let go of resentment, anger or sadness.

Alternatively we may cut ourselves off physically and emotionally from our family, in an attempt to protect ourselves from further disappointment or hurt. MotherSon
We may reject our family or judge them as not being good enough for us. This may be fine for our intellectual and rational mind, but at a deeper level, the personal and collective soul of the family group is not comfortable with such a rejection.

Such a rejection will often come out in your children, or in your love relationships, business or work situations. For example, your children may find it hard to respect you if you don’t respect your own parents.This can result in emotional and behavioral disorder or a child behavior problem.

Of course, all of this behaviour is an attempt to protect ourselves and to cope in a difficult situation, because we don’t know of any other way to cope.

It must also be acknowledged that some family situations are terrible and it may not be possible to find a cozy, warm and fuzzy solution through any family structural therapy or Family Constellations. However, Family Constellations is invaluable in these cases by allowing an understanding of the dynamics and an acceptance of “what is,” rather than staying in regret, blame and denial. This understanding is usually all that is needed, to come to an acceptance, which can lead to more peace for you and your family.

What goes wrong in families?

Emotional baggage gets in the way. Disturbances from many generations back are often still experienced by family members many years later, without any contact or knowledge of the original trauma, via the family energy system or genetic trail.

Children take emotional baggage from family members in a “blind love” for their parents and an intense need to be loved in return. Of course this is unconscious and often remains with them for the whole of their lives and is passed on to further generations. This inhibits the “flow of love” in the system and causes suffering, pain and illness.

The purpose of Family Constellations is to uncover the hidden dynamics and honor all members in their rightful places, so that the love energy can flow easily throughout the system, as it is meant to. This will allow health and freedom to all members. It will also allow each person in the system to be responsible for their own emotions, actions and choices.

Problems appear when we do not take full responsibility for ourselves or carry some else’s emotions or responsibilities.

In addition there are natural laws that need to be acknowledged in all families, in order for everyone in the system to be comfortable. The facilitators seek to find the best resolution for the family members and re-affirm the natural laws of human family life.

Tribal cultures are very well aware of “natural family order and hierarchy” and the importance of rituals and rights of passage at various stages of life. Modern civilizations seems to have forgotten this inner “knowing”. Family Constellations will bring you back into this knowing and bring unconscious dynamics into the light. Once acknowledged they lose their power and freedom returns.

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