John came to a Family Constellation workshop saying that he had done a lot of personal development and coaching in the past but had not been able to to change a sabotage pattern that meant that he was not seen or recognised for his work. The Constellation shows a pattern that went back 3 generations. That was several months ago and John reports that he is being recognised and is really confident of the promised forthcoming promotion.
Susan reported a tragic series of relationships and a wish to be in a loving permanent relationship. Her constellation revealed a serious exclusion of her grandmother by her grandfather when she in died in the childbirth of her 8th child. The grandfather remarried quickly and left all of his children in the care of the older children and the death of the grandmother and baby was never formally acknowledged. The constellation showed the connections and entanglements that resulted from the past through to the present to Susan.The constellation showed Susan very connected to her grandmother. By the end of the process she was able to look back at her grandmother and grandfather and move on in her life. Susan is now in a new relationship and pleased that she has made a very different choice of partner this time.
Effects of the past on the present
Mary has come to a Family Constellation workshop saying that she is finding it difficult to attract an appropriate partner into her life. She is thirty five and says that she keeps attracting addictive partners into her life. Her mother divorced her father when she was eight years old because of his binge drinking. A constellation is set up with representatives from the workshop of Mary and her mother and father. They are placed in the room by Mary and she sits back to observe. Within a few minutes, even though the representatives know very little of Mary and her family, they start to notice feelings in their body. A constellation energy field is forming of her family in the room. Her mother feels both angry and sad and is glaring at her husband. Mary’s father is looking at the ground. Mary’s representative is not able to look at either of her parents and feels a lot of anger towards her mother and disgust for her father. As the facilitator, I asked for further information. Mary’s mother’s father was injured in the Vietnamese war and came back to the family as a crippled man with mental health problems. A representative for Mary’s grandfather (mothers’ father) is bought into the constellation and some healing sentences given to help her mother and her injured father to accept what had happened to their family due to the war. Mary’s mother falls into her fathers arms and weeps for a short time. She then stands with her father behind her, looking much stronger and softer at Mary’s representative.Further information of Mary’s father comes up. His mother died when he was a child. A representative for Mary’s father’s mother is bought in. After some words are said between them and some emotions released and he is feeling at peace with his mother, he is able to take his place by his ex wife in front of Mary with some renewed dignity. Mary herself is now asked to take her place in the constellation instead of her representative. She is visibly moved when her mother tells her that its OK for her to love her father. Mary said that for the first time she felt her mothers’ strength and also her fathers’ and was able to bow to both of them with respect, leaving their destiny and their decisions with them. The constellation ends here.Mary’s constellations took place in June 2006. She contacted me a few months later to tell me how different she was feeling and how much easier it is to have a relationship with each of her parents now. She also has a new partner in her life and is very happy and excited organizing her wedding. Mary’s story is typical of constellations work.
Difficult parent/child relationship
This is the family constellation of a woman who was unable to have a good relationship with her daughter. The facilitator asked a few factual questions about the family history and then set up the constellation with representatives. The woman also had a difficult relationship with her own mother. Representatives of the woman, her daughter and her mother were set up. The feelings and physical positioning of the representatives were noted.
The woman is loving but can’t make contact with her daughter, who is angry with her. The woman is then turned to face her own mother. It is clear that she doesn’t respect or accept her mother. Some time is spent here in allowing things to be put back into their rightful place until the woman and her mother are in contact and feeling comfortable. Now the woman is turned to face her daughter. The daughter has become interested in coming to a resolution with her now. The constellation finishes with the family system feeling relaxed and comfortable.
If you have a difficult relationship with your parents, then it may be difficult for you to have a good relationship with your own children. There is a block in the flow of love.
When a relationship breaks down.
This is a family constellation of a divorced woman who was experiencing difficulties in her subsequent intimate relationship. A constellation was set up with representatives of the woman, her ex-husband and her current partner.
The woman’s ex-husband is feeling very sad and hurt. She can’t look him and says that she feels anger towards him. In seeking a resolution, it’s discovered that the woman is finding it hard to accept responsibility for her part in what went wrong between them. Once an appropriate resolution is found and accepted, the couple is able to let each other go. This frees the woman to focus on her present relationship.
A relationship that has broken down needs to be resolved before you can successfully go into the next one. Many of us know this intellectually but it is often difficult to do this fully for ourselves.
An unresolved parent child relationship.
This is a family constellation of a man who had a difficult and unresolved relationship with his mother. His mother died when the man was seventeen leaving him feeling bitter and angry.
A constellation of the man and his mother is set up. The man’s mother reports feeling cut off and unable to focus on her son. The son reports feeling sad. Gradually the mother turns from the son. She feels pulled from behind.
The man’s mother is turned around to look at her father. She experiences great emotion here, first anger, then sadness and then abandonment. Her own father had died when he was a child. She had very much missed her father. Once the situation is acknowledged and the mother is reunited with her father she is able to turn around with her own father behind her to give her strength and make a connection with her son. The constellation is over when the mother is honored and respected by her son and she is able to wish her son a fulfilling life. The son is feeling connected to his mother.