and Family Constellations
I have a dream of being born into a loving and nurturing family. Having parents who are wise, loving and caring and know how to provide a healthy environment. This includes good boundaries and a good balance between exploration and safety. Parents who come from generations of fulfilled and open hearted people with high emotional sensitivity and intelligence. In such a place there are life-long connections and room to grow and explore individuality and potential.
This is a child’s dream. Reality is not like that for most of us.
We are autonomous, independent, free spirits navigating and pursuing our dreams and creating our reality; seeking to fulfil our potential and make meaning of our lives. Yet more of us are unhappy, lonely, depressed and anxious in a society endowed with affluence, sophistication, choice and comfort. More of our children are suffering learning and social difficulties and have addictions.
We are connected and yet so disconnected. Connected in social media, in seeking membership of fashionable, social groups and scenes and yet alienated in reality. Growing numbers of people have poor connections with family, home and culture. Are out of step with nature and the land and with little sense of belonging.
What has gone wrong?
We are so busy, distracted and caught up in our mind, that friendships become loose and transient. A large proportion of families are nuclear in having little connection or support from extended family. Many have lost the art of communication, sharing and nurturing.
It is common to see a family group with individually members consuming their own version of cyberspace through phones, tablets, constantly streaming media and social media while sitting in a coffee bar together. Unaware of the presence of each other, the people they most love. Their distraction with each other as they consume other realities and illusions resulting in a lack of communication, This often forms a state where avoiding eye contact becomes the norm. So much so, the thought of such intimacy (into me you see) becomes anxiety provoking, due of its lack of familiarity.
No wonder more people are feeling lonely, depressed and anxious.
What does this do to children?
What are we teaching them?
In my thirst for adventure and independence I moved from a close-knit family in England to Australia. So caught up in the impulse and adventure that I didn’t notice my own deeply held connections withering on the vine. My children losing their sense of belonging to a bigger collective. Losing contact with the sea of familiar faces, smells, sounds and culture that was part of their heritage. Later, becoming angry at their sense of isolation. There was a cost.
Isolation can come in many shapes and sizes
There is a need to come back to reality. Acknowledge that we are a product of our family, culture, nature and the earth. They nourish and sustain us..
We must not forget we are individuals and also collective beings. Human beings who are built to perceive ourselves through our relational bonds. There is a need to acknowledge and accept both sides of our humanity.
In essence we remain tribal, hence our impulse to congregate in cyberspace.
It was Family Constellations that bought me back to myself, my connections and my roots. Helped me to reconnect with myself in a healthier manner, so I could receive the connections and nurturing to feed my soul.
Yes there is still a physical distance with my people in England and my children are having to deal with their own disconnection as adults, but the Family Constellation process brings us back to our roots in a tangible way, if we let it; regardless of the cause of the disconnection. My people are all close to my heart even though I don’t see them so often.
Whether disconnection has developed through cyberspace culture, trauma, emotional or relational dysfunction or emigration, the Family Constellation process is perfect for reconnecting to ourselves and our roots for more health and wellbeing.
We all do the best we can with what we have and know for the most part. If we are emotionally mature we carry the responsibility for our actions and their consequences.
Sitting in a Family Constellation circle in a safe and confidential group for the purpose of sharing and healing provides a connection and healing in itself. It brings back faith in each person’s ability to give and receive and most of all connect in a more meaningful way. It taps into an ancient tribal memory of belonging.
Beyond that, other issues of relationship, entanglement, loyalties and systemic dysfunction are addressed and resolved in a deep and respectful manner for all concerned. This allows more freedom and autonomy in all aspects of life. This includes relationships, success, wellness and peace of mind and most of all happiness.
I visualise a world where people take up the challenge of restoring their connection to family, friends, society, culture and history. Respect our environment and the sacredness of our air, water and land. See the divine in each of us regardless of the colour of our skin or the culture and religion we are born into. The process of Family Constellations and methodologies like Rapid Core Healing and Emotional Mind Integration are commonplace and used regularly to restore and maintain harmony and health.
International Family Constellation training is starting in Brisbane 2-10 January 2017.
Details of training and workshops in Sydney, Brisbane and Melbourne Australia www.familyconstellations.com.au
www.rapidcorehealing.com. Rapid Core Healing training
These ideas are presented in my book Rapid Core Healing for Growth and Emotional Healing (2016)
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